Situations that push you to leave your comfort zone often bring
you face to face with the fact that you are not who you like to think you are,
nor who you'd like to be.
Traveling these past 2 months has been an experience I can't
compare with any I've ever had, including all of my past travels. I liked to
believe I was ready to keep going, keep travelling, keep exploring, that I
didn't miss home (Korea), but I underestimated 2 months, and honestly I was ready
to go back and take a vacation from this vacation.
Now I'm not saying I regret anything, nor that the experience
wasn't a good one, but a lot of the time I was stressed, I was worried, and I
was scared. People don't travel to feel like that. I left a lot of things
pending when I left; mainly our short film which has turned out to be a mammoth
of work and is way behind schedule, but also some shoots and photos to be
edited (and now so many more that I took during this trip). I was also worried
about money. When budgeting for travel it's a habit to grossly underestimate
what you will spend. I had enough to go over (and I did) but I was going over
from the very start with many things I did not properly account for (mainly
buses and visas). It was also a goal of mine to not touch the credit card. I
knew it was there and it was comforting to know in case of emergencies, but I
haven't touched it (with the exception of a few online purchases my card didn't
work with) for over a year and a half now and I intend to keep it that way.
I was very stressed about not knowing what to do, where to go, how
to get around, getting lost, talking to strangers, losing my things and keeping
up. I knew this wasn't a trip I could do alone but I didn't want to hold back
Keat, whom I was travelling with, since he's more experienced, less afraid and
more outgoing than me. That fear of not wanting to be a burden (though to some
degree I believe I was) is probably what kept me going in many situations where
I would've otherwise given up. (Also not wanting to appear like a wimp.) I was
facing up with the fact that I am not the adventurous, outgoing guy I thought I
was. I only appeared that way when comparing myself to certain people.
Again, I'm not saying it was a bad experience. I'm not saying I
regret anything, nor that I'm disenchanted. It was just a very different
experience than what I expected. It not only brought a bit more of the world
into the light for me, but a lot of myself I had gotten very good at ignoring
and denying.
Though I did take a lot of photos, for 2 months they are very few.
There are many things/places I didn’t take photos of, even food, because I
really wanted to just enjoy myself and not stress over chasing after photos as
well. Since I wasn’t on my own and we were moving around a lot I couldn’t pace
myself properly either. But it’s okay, there will be more chances to travel
where I’m better prepared (and hopefully better equipped) and financially more
stable. I had much to gain beyond photography in this trip. I’m not one for
touristy shots that just show where I was and what I was doing. If I feel the
photo won’t look great I often just don’t take it. I don’t bother taking photos
just to document things because I’d rather just experience them, so I won’t be
able to show everything I tell.
But enough of this for now. Let's get to the juicy parts.
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